i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
