and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drake has all the answers
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
