She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
