my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
