I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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