Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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