STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize