Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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