Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is wine microwaveable?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
