Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
