my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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