How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
