my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
