mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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