I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
