Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
