just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
