I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
