I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize