There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
