I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
