shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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