How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
