You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
