I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
