Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did we literally take a cab across the street
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize