Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
