Pants 0. Shit 1.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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