just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
