the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize