the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
