she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
