i would punch a child for taco bell
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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