you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
