Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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