i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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