all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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