party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize