Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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