you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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