Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
