When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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