My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
