he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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