It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
