Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize