just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
