Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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