Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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