Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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