yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
