Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
