i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
