I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
