U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
