Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
NoShamevember. You game?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
