On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to make a zoo with you.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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