I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
