Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
