found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize