i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
