You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
