i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
