So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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