38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
