sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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