haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
