btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
