Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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