That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
