Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The best revenge is premature balding
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
