Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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