Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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