She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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