I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize