I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
