Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
