Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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