you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
