I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
