Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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