I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
