Please, let me fuck your mom
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
