I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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