What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
