You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize