Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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