So drunk its hurt
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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