He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
