Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
