does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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