omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
