that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
