I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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