Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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