I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
