No stitches, just platelets and will power
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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