Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
