Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
