mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
